Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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