I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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