Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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