those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize