homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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