You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
