the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize