There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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