Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
