this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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