Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
