she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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