i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
