That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize