Soap is not a condiment
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
