I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The maid of honor just puked.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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