Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
