Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
