your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
