i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
