If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need water and some morals
Randomize
