If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
