Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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