we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
