Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
