I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
