i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
