Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
