I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
