i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
