That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Found your dick twin last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
