Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
