the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
