I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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