conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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