It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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