I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
