A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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