I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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