Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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