pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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