So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
