i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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