week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
