He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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