ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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