This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
