absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
