You just made me feel so damn special
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
