please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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