Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
