Pappa wants mamma naked
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
