My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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