i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
