Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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