I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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