In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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