Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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