I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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