Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
