We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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