Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
