hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
