you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize