he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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