spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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