so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
