He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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