I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
