haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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