but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
