dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
