My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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