he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
