i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
