I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
