After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
