Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
